The terrible mistake of not guarding my heart
It's been a while since I last wrote something on my blog! I've been going through a few ups and some bad downs and honestly, I'm just tired of the same unintentional people so good at "blah, blah, blah..."
I don't know what's your worst pet peeve or the thing that hursts you the most. For me, is when I open my heart, my help, my home, my time, my talent, my friendship, my family and people not only just take but also see around me but never through me. During the last 4 years and specially the last one, on and off, I've made the terrible mistake of not guarding my heart!
Let me explain myself through an immigrant's perspective so you understand a bit more where I'm coming from. My husband and I moved to the US 20 + years ago. We knew that our purpose was here and we are living in it. We built an amazing family! God helped us, delivered us from our own wrongdoing and others', taught us lessons from all the mistakes we've made + gave us wisdom to learn from other people's mess, equipped us to keep going and find our identity in Him. When you have to experience all that growth from ground cero with no family and support, it is not only hard but some times is emotionally draining. The good news about all this is that we can really sing from the bottom of our hearts, "look what the Lord has done".
Nevertheless, there are times that you just need people to get it together. Remember the phrase, "don't do what you wouldn't want people to do to you"? As simple as that. Sometimes just a card, a text, email, phone call, respect, any type of acknowledgment that you care could change someone's day and some times maybe even save the day! We already live in a very deceiving world and bad news are way more trendy than good ones. Kindness is almost extinct. But it seems like care and intentionality is already gone. A little detail on that immigrant subject I mentioned earlier, that loneliness feeling just sucks!
I do have good news as my light at the end of the tunnel! I've been reading "Battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer. I bought it in 2020 and I've been pretty much studying it little by little. Like I mentioned before, I've made the terrible mistake of not guarding my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. I opened my heart to people, offering my friendship, my help, my time, before making sure that person or group of people were mature enough to handle it with care. That's on me! However, there's always a lesson to learn. In the words of Kelly Clarkson, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"! The answer to this I learned some time ago, is to value what I have to offer regardless of people's behavior or attitude. Even when I make the mistake of sharing valuable things with people who won't appreciate it, the lack of appreciation doesn't take away the value of whatever I have to offer. In the words of Jesus, "Do not give that which is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, for they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." It is on me not to neglect my heart but it's on them not to know what a good and real thing looks/ fills like, especially in times when nothing seams real anymore and fake is popular. Reading this book has been helping me to control the negative thoughts that a situation like this brings. I do have my days when I still can't believe that someone, supposed to be "a man of God" would tell me, on my face, and in front of people,
that I'm not unique or special. But the majority of the times, the typical people that only see around you but never want to see through you will speak out of their own fears and insecurities. When we come across people who their agendas are bigger that their hearts we better run.
So today I thank God for closed doors! I thank Him for guarding my heart for me. I thank Him for shutting certain people's minds towards me so I wouldn't be hurt deeper and longer in the future. I thank Him for leading me to a book of pure wisdom that is helping me to value myself when others don't. I thank Him for THE book, His word that is the best manual to live a purpose driven life! I thank Him for His faithfulness, unconditional love and enough trust to offer me a purpose and an amazing destiny!